Center of the Universe

Seventeen inches are the center of the universe. It is the focus of many people. The key to this universe is to touch it. Those who touch it gain the praise. There is only one path toward it. There is only one path leading away from it.

The center of the universe is seventeen inches wide. It has five sides and is brilliant white in appearance. It is surrounded by the best of earth made of a combination of clay and loam. That combination gives it the ability to be swept and shaped into a landscape worthy of its position. The earth around it is edged in the best of vegetation that is closely groomed. The earth is cleaned regularly away from the center of the universe.

The warm sun shines down on it in the daytime. It is illuminated at night by a vast array of lighting that approaches the warmth of the sun. Those who meet at it must surround it to share the information that they need. There are traditions and procedures that must be performed in order to sanctify its position. Sacred songs are sung by those gathered around it. Quiet voices exchange its rules and specifics for those who approach it. There is only one path leading away from it. There is only one path leading to it.

Those who defend the center of the universe come from their place of readiness and surround it. They make ready their weapons. A battle is ensuing between those who defend it and those who want to touch it. Touching the center of the universe means defeat for those who defend it. They can only defend it by using the small amount of air above it to dissuade those who want to touch it.

Those who want to touch the center of the universe come to it as if to ask for permission to touch it. The defenders make it clear that they will do everything they can to keep them from touching it. In order to touch it, they must run away from it using the path that leads away. Only when they have been able to reach the path leading to the center of the universe are they able to try to touch it. The defenders of the center of the universe make that path very hard to find.

When I was young, I was both a defender of the center of the universe and one who tried to touch it. I was lucky in that pursuit in that I had those who taught me how to defend it and those who taught me how to touch it.

I am now the one who oversees the traditions and procedures concerning the center of the universe. I am the one who is allowed to question those who approach. I am the one who stands erect and solemn as the sacred songs are sung. I am the one who cleans the earth away from the center of the universe. I am the one who judges those who defend it. I am the one who chastens those who want to touch it. I am the one who decides the best use of the air above it. I am the one who decides whether or not someone has touched it. I am the one that those who are gathered around it listen to. I am the only one who speaks near it. After the sacred songs are sung, I am the only one who can be heard. I utter in my most reverent and loudest voice possible at the center of the universe, “Play ball!”



Steve Pean, Umpire & Owner of RulesToGo
February 6, 2004

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